Except that - this ship-shaped hole in the ocean
is occupied several times over
not just with this
but with all the dream ships that I visit nightly
secret ships with secret decks
secret duties I must discover myself
huge issues unsuspected in the day
which I must define and resolve through a hundred half-awakenings
in the half- and grey light
and dream sun of the moon
catching worlds in wave crests
the seething elements of dream things
the small stimulations that spark the night world
in the minds of her hosts.
At last there are daytime shadows again
in double-figure latitudes
not at mercy of sun-havens of shade
not to scorch you of yourself
test to pits, white like bleached bones
we recognise so many signs something is wrong.
homeward
northward
bows driving into winter
we see
grey cold
and rain winds
drizzle and November
black nights and yellow nights
the ship has its own cycle of seasons
it is a small planet on an inner orbit
it has ten years to our one.
Alone on the ocean
nothing else within a day's travel
the ship does not feel like that
a small village
it sucks meaning to it
alone within its horizon
it populates the world.
1745: At my third attempt I managed to get a phone call through to home - it seems strange to use all that technology to hear the UK 'engaged' tone by way of space.
I think this Great Circle route is going to take us wide to the west of the Azores , unless it takes us within range of Flores . I also suspect from the position of the next waypoint (49N 6W) and the current ETA that it is more likely Wednesday morning than Tuesday evening at Dover. But I could easily be wrong.
There has been a swallow circling the superstructure this afternoon. He seems OK. He keeps settling, but he seems confused more than anything else.
I had to abandon video tape 20 today after trouble with dirty heads. I'm not sure how much I lost. I cleaned the heads with the cleaning tape and it seems OK now. I'm still getting stuff done, both filming and writing.
I think I managed to get flying fish today, and the moon over water.
1700: Posn N28 34 W 49 19.
Speed: 19.4Kn.
Course: 046.
0850: I'm not sure we will be passing the Azores this time. The First Officer says we are taking a Great Circle route and from our position yesterday afternoon we seem to be heading to the west of them.
The sea direction changed in the night and now there is a big (15ft +) breaking sea running from the south. The change in movement probably explains my lack of sleep again, though I think I got 2 hours sleep early on, then 3 in the morning so I woke up late for breakfast.
I did some more Cornish last night but I was too knackered to do much. I've booked a phone call to Sue this afternoon at 1430.
Every official notice on the ship is in English
Some pretence perhaps connected with her Bahamian registry
But every demotic notice is in Russian
The real lingua franca
A world has been colonised
A specific show of recent history
Use of well-trained Soviet sailors
To save money on those who 'won' the Cold War
The Russian speaking crew are paid well - for them
Though inadequately for any western european
And that will determine
who and where is allowed to join the EU
How much recognition does the victory of imperialism demand
Before due obeisance and forelock tugging has been received?
Balanced by their aim
To gain cheap, good labour
At other poor peoples' expense.
I am now the only person on the ship
Born and raised in the capitalist world
The only one who really knows the extent of the lie.
But these all imagine they know more than me
About political 'reality'
Because everyone has lied to them
And they see that as some basis for knowledge of truth.
But we were the ones who thought ourselves through it
Who were blessed by no side
'Neither Washington nor Moscow ' we said
We were the ones who were let down
By people who didn't ask for enough
Good fridges and videos
And we let it all go
But we had those things
And told them they were shite.